My Hangup(s)

Here is my problem:

I fell hard for a boy. Harder than ever before.

I could have sworn we were meant to be together. He said he felt the same.

I had never let my guard down this fast or this much for anyone. Ever.

And then he took my heart and sqashed it like a cockroach.

CRUNCH!

But not only did I lose my boyfriend, but I lost my best good friends. 

That was three months ago. I've put myself up in this stupid little box hiding from everyone. It protects me from being hurt by any other human being ever again. 

It also made me really lonely.

And since no matter what I say to him, he is not offended or hurt, I've become a monster and have taken it out on others.

I've become this ragingly negative cynic. I don't care about anyone else because if/when I do, they will turn around and hurt me, and I don't want that.

And as much as getting hurt again scares me, I am a people person and I can't live without them.

I'm lonely.

I've tried reaching out to people, but it doesn't work. People have given up on me. I wish I could just start over with everyone. I'm working on it. Until then, here I sit. It's so sad that instead of talking to real people this is what I do instead.